Daniel: In Memory of a 'Superhero'
Early in the year during 1997, Steve and Maria Delicata found out they were expecting their third child, a longed-for son after their two daughters, Greta, then 3, and Becky, 2. The excitement of this pregnancy was soon intermingled with concern, as they were informed that an ultra-sound scan revealed that the baby had serious problems and his intestines were growing outside his body, a condition known as Gastroschisis. Steve and Maria were informed that their baby would require immediate surgery upon birth to rectify the problem.
On the 5th November 1997, Maria gave birth to a beautiful boy, Daniel, who had to immediately undergo surgery. There were complications in the first weeks and Daniel had to undergo other operations with his life very much in peril. In fact, within his first two years of life, Daniel ended up going through a total of 20 operations related to his digestive problems. In addition to this, he spent 5 months of his first year in Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital, London, receiving very specialist treatment. This put a lot of strain on his family, who had to be separated for much of this time. Daniel and his mother finally returned from England, but he required serious on-going medical care. His parents had to administer a range of medications daily, and every night Daniel was hooked up to a TPN drip which fed him during the night as he slept, since Daniel was unable to eat like normal babies and children, having lost a large proportion of his intestines in the process of all his operations and complications. Over the years, complications continued to arise, and Daniel regularly suffered infections, requiring him to be hospitalised for days, and sometimes weeks, at a time. He also had to return to Great Ormond Hospital once a year for check-ups and specialist monitoring of his condition.
However, between these hospitalisations, and despite his illnesses, Daniel was growing up an otherwise 'normal' boy. He walked and talked, and played happily with his sisters and friends, enjoying himself to the full when he was well. Daniel was a young boy who suffered a great deal, but watching him play you would never know this. He often carried a smile on his face, had a great sense of humour, and never complained about the limitations placed on his life by his problems. He dealt with hospital admissions and medical treatments so bravely that his mother came to call him "my Superhero!". It is true that Daniel's illness brought a lot of stress and worry for his parents, but he also brought a lot of joy and laughter and love into the family. From the outside it seemed that his problems had brought them closer together as a family.
Sadly though, Daniel became weaker in the last week of August , requiring more hospitalisation, and although he had always been a fighter, he became critically ill whilst in hospital and passed away on the 7th September at the age of 4years 10 months. It was a tragic ending to a beautiful life, devastating his family, and shocking friends, family and community alike. Daniel's death touched many and mixed emotions of pain, sadness, disbelief, shock and anger were overwhelming in the days after his passing. Many stood at his funeral, looking at his small coffin, asking the big question: "WHY?". "How could this happen?". In the normal order of life, children are expected to outlive their parents. "How could God allow such a heart-wrenching loss?" The death of a child is recognised to be one of the most difficult bereavements to pass through. It is not easy to understand. Our hearts can go out to Daniel's parents and his sisters who are suffering so greatly and live daily with the void Daniel has left behind.
So how do we make sense of this terrible loss? There is very little we can say to Daniel's parents to ease their pain. It is true that talking about their feelings, having good support from friends and family, and time itself will be factors in their healing process. There is something else that I think can help them and those around them who are grieving. A very spiritual friend of mine once explained to me that our children are on loan to us from God and that He gives us parents the privilege of bringing them up for Him. In Daniel's case, God could have loaned him to his parents for a few days and taken him away in the first week of his life (which nearly happened), but instead He allowed them the privilege of knowing him for almost 5 years, and in those 5 years Daniel taught them and all those around him so much. In his sermon during the funeral, Father Stefan Attard pointed out something so important that we can all learn from Daniel's life: Daniel bore suffering in such a brave way, never complaining or moaning about what he had to go through and how he could not do everything other children could. Instead he often carried a smile on his face and was a very affectionate boy. Father Stefan talked about how, as adults, we often tend to moan and groan about the slightest of problems and can become real 'grumps' over these things. Maybe we could learn from Daniel's example to take things more in our stride, to appreciate and try and focus more on the positives in our lives rather than get overwhelmed by the negatives, and to handle difficulties with more courage. I must add here that Daniel's parents also gave such an example of strength and unity in dealing with this constantly worrying situation and were an inspiration for many of us parents.
So Daniel, as we bid you farewell on a journey to a beautiful place where you will find an end to your suffering, let us pledge to remember your precious life as a lesson to us all and to remember you as our model 'superhero'!